Playdoh & Trampolining

The girls asked me a week or so ago if we could break out the playdoh since it had been a while... As far as we know it was JJs first time with playdoh. He wasn't too sure about the squishy stuff at first but then when he saw all the 'bits n pieces' that go with it he decided he'd play with it a bit... not his fav thing but he tolerated it ;-)

Mom, what is this!!! Take it away! ;-)

Enjoying it a bit more now...

AG hard at work

Who knew playdoh brought such interesting facial expressions ;-)

Rose blossom cake

Another fav activity of ALL the kids is the trampoline. The girls resumed gymnastics classes a few weeks ago so we have been seeing all sorts of flipping and cartwheeling all OVER the place! Momma decided it was time to try and capture some of it on camera.

One of my favs...

EB concentrating so hard before her flip - so cute!

My 4 blessings.

Seems boys have a hard time sitting still ;-)

JJ was really all done with picture taking and wanted to jump!

Precious daughters!

We even got Hubby on the tramp!

Hidden Disabilities

Parenting is not easy (says this wise & experienced momma, ha ha, whose eldest is a mere 7 years old ;-) ) but when you add hidden/non-visible needs to the mix it is a whole different ball-game, requires a huge shift in parenting paradigm - something I am trying hard to make, but am not sure how well I am doing.

One of our precious children has a genetic condition, a chromosomal deletion, that not only has physical manifestations but also comes with a whole host of 'non-visible' components (learning disabilities, anxiety, autism spectrum, impulsivity, social immaturity, working memory problems, OCD,  & ADHD just to name a few). This deletion is a 'spectrum disorder' which means that our child may have all 180 of the manifestations and all to the nth degree or they may have 2 of them which are mild in presentation. There is no textbook, or Dr, or class, that can tell us what to expect, how to deal with the challenges, how these things will impact our child and to what degree they are present... so we are doing our best to roll with it, to be aware of the potential challenges and try to respond accordingly when they are presented... and then there are days/seasons like now when it is just plain hard.

I feel like I am constantly trying to discern 'was this behavior deliberate? was it related to the deletion/lack of comprehension/working memory/anxiety etc etc? were my expectations inappropriate/unrealistic?' all so that I can respond appropriately in the moment to my child and the behavior issue we are having... And then there are times when I'm in default mode, parenting the old way where my thinking is 'they are old enough, they should be able to do this/know better/follow instruction!' and I don't take into account the hidden needs, which is just so wrong. I'm learning that expecting what is not possible is unfair. You wouldn't ask a child with a broken leg to perform on the high-wire at the circus, that would be impossible/setting them up to fail... which is what I inadvertently do all the time with my child with hidden disabilities, or even worse, discipline my child for not doing something that they weren't yet capable of doing in the first place! Yet at the same time you wouldn't assume that just because a child is sitting on the ground that they cant walk... so you try to teach them to behave/respond in the right way - to be kind and caring, to show respect to others, to obey/follow instructions, to be honest etc.

This is the tension, trying to determine what expectations are to be expected because they are attainable and realistic and which others (while age appropriate) are not possible for my child and if I persist in expecting them is like butting my head against a brick wall...and the fear that if my child cant learn these things that they will have repercussions in their life - which are not consequences of intention but the result of the way their brain works. Thats the kicker with hidden needs - my child appears as if they get it all, that their brain is functioning typically but not everyone that my child interacts with knows and understands their uniqueness/their needs (something I am still trying to figure out!)... There are those who have been made aware of it that cant seem to respond with exception but insist on pounding the square peg into the round hole :( For example, I know that my child has a very hard time with impulse control (which manifests itself in MANY different ways), so we make exceptions for that/try to work on it but we understand that it is a big issue. Others who aren't aware of that are less accommodating when our precious one is not able to stay on their own rest mat at school, but persist in rolling around and talking loudly, seemingly disregarding the teachers instructions to be quiet and still (yep, got kicked out of school for that one- even with the needs known & explained, but because its not visible...) Or how about when our sweet one interrupts their teacher constantly after being given numerous (hundreds!) reminders to raise their hand and wait to be called on, and yet they still cant do it so they get disciplined for interrupting, appearing to be rude and disobedient, not following the rules of the classroom... But yet I understand the teachers dilemma because I face it every day at home! How do you make it all work? make allowance for the child with the hidden needs yet at the expense of the others who can't rest because of the loud child who is all over the place?

It is so hard when the external appearance is that of a person whose brain functions normally and can comprehend whats been said and respond appropriately - but what is happening on the inside is completely different.

Appreciate prayers in this parenting marathon for incredible wisdom, discernment, patience, creativity, and lots of love because there are days when it is *so* hard.

Drs here, Drs there, drs drs everywhere!

So it feels like we've been at the Drs far too much lately, which is probably because we have! CC had an eye appointment because of some squinting and other vision issues (thankfully no glasses needed yet!). Then EB had follow-up appointments with ENT and Audiology... results stating that she has mild conductive hearing loss in her R ear, buuuuut its not affecting her hearing. Wait, what???? Yep, long story but we're following her ENTs recommendation and NOT getting tubes for her right now but continuing to monitor things. Then JJ had his first bout of sickness since coming home. Poor boy managed to swing it on his birthday :( so he went to the ped and had breathing treatments for his wheezing/respiratory infection :( and then he had to go back 3 days later for more meds (and his 2 yr well check?!?! cept, he wasn't that well so will go back in a month for the shots that we withheld this time)... and since we hadn't been enough EB had her asthma follow-up at the ped, with a change in meds for her... and then JJ had to go back to the ped because his wheezing wasn't getting better (and then had to get a chest x-ray). All that in the last 14 days... barring any complications to JJs wheezing (which is getting better) we will take a break from our drs visits for a good 5 days and then take EB back for another consult on her palate, trying to determine if she does need to have a VPI repair.

Ok, all done whinging about the appointments now :) Am so grateful for health insurance which is paying for all of this, and for sweet ones who are mostly healthy, and for wonderful drs who are good at what they do and really care about my little ones... This really is very unusual for us to have this all going on at once but hopefully we will be done for a while - after this next VPI appt, and then the well check shots, and then another asthma follow up, and then another follow up with the plastic surgeon who repaired JJs palate... you get the picture ;-)

And now a pic of sweet JJ getting his breathing treatment at our peds office because a post isnt complete without pictures right???

Birthday boy

Last post was heavy on words, this will be heavy on pics... so without further ado, the boys 2nd birthday... Poor boy was not feeling well, chose his birthday as his first sick time since getting home :( but we've been to the doc, got some meds and are hopefully on the mend now...

Sweet boy is all about his cars right now, so we had to get him some car candles :)

Mmmmm, angel food cake

A little 'guy dancing' going on in the background here...

I saw momma doing this and it made it all big... wonder how this works??

Sit still??? I just cant! I love tossing my balloon too much to sit still!

Opening his first present from sisters.

Woo-hoo! Trains!!!

Making some train sounds here... SO so precious!

Thanks Grammy & Pop-pop! He loved his clothes and new cars!

Quality car crashing time with Dada!

Second birthday coming up... or was it today???

A week ago at church a sweet, NON-elderly, woman commented to me how tall JJ is. She then said after looking at me, 'Well of course he's tall. You're tall. Is his Daddy tall too?' to which I automatically replied 'Yes. His Daddy is tall.' Afterwards I wondered if she needed glasses??? but maybe she thought hubby was Chinese??? ;-) Such an innocent question/comment though was heartbreaking for me... I had answered her question thinking about Hubbys height but then I started thinking about JJs biological parents. We know nothing about them, nothing. They could have been young and unmarried facing a crisis pregnancy, or married with one child at home (and unable to keep their second because of the one child policy), or married and JJ was their firstborn but because of his medical needs felt unable to provide for him... or none of those things. We don't know and will never know - barring a miracle. We don't know where JJ was born, when he was born, or what name he may have been called by his birth-parents in the days between his birth and when he was found. We don't know his birth-parents first or last names, what they look like, if JJ has birth siblings... So much we don't know and will never be able to answer for him. We do know the date JJ was found, which road he was found by, and the name he was given at the orphanage but that's as much as we have, as close as it gets to his birth-family.

After answering this sweet woman's question at church I couldn't help but think about all that lays ahead for our precious son... innocent (and sometimes not so innocent) questions that will come about his past to which we have no answers. All that has been heightened for me this week as we prepare to celebrate JJs 2nd birthday. On his birth certificate it is listed as Sept 20th (an estimate based off of when he was found), which is when we will celebrate his birth, but while I was rocking him tonight I wondered if tonight, somewhere in China, a woman, a man, a married couple, 2 single people, were remembering and wondering about him today... Is today, Sept 16th, the day? are they thinking about him today? or is Sept 22nd the day his birthmom has etched in her memory, the anniversary she especially wonders about him, if he lived, if he is loved, if he has a family... Oh how I wish there was a way to let her know how LOVED her son is, how TREASURED he is, how he is LIVING and THRIVING because she protected his life. I wish I had answers for the questions that will come, not the innocent questions from others but the deep questions from our son. I wish there was a way to avoid the heartache... but there isn't. That is all part of adoption which is a beautiful thing to be sure, but not without hard, hard stuff - pain and loss and grieving.

To our precious son, oh how we love you, how incredibly incredibly grateful we are to God for creating you, for your birth-mother choosing life for you, for the blessing that we have of being your forever family. Happy second birthday dear son. I pray Gods richest blessing on your life, that you would always know how very very LOVED you are. I pray that God would bring healing to the hurt places, would redeem whats been lost and would draw you to himself... Happy Birthday!

Updating our blog

When we first started this blog it was to document our journey to our precious son, JJ, who was in China. He's been home for 4 months now so I've almost forgotten all the crazy adoption lingo, all the steps in the process, all the hoops that we jumped through to bring him home... almost but not quite ;-) Sooo we thought it was time to expand the blog to be about family life now that sweet JJ is home, a bit of an outlet for this lady who is incredibly blessed to be the wife of my amazing hubby and momma to my 4 precious ones... Am mainly writing this for myself but for those who are following along, hope you enjoy the ride with us!

Home 43 days...

I wasn't able to get a '2 weeks home' post written, or even a '1 month home' post written for that matter... but I figured that being home for 43 days was the perfect milestone to post about ;-)

How are we doing??? pretty well overall... The first few weeks home were *rough*. I (momma-bear) was sick almost upon touching down at BNA (sickest I've been in a loooong time) - was so grateful that Grammy was here to help for the first couple of days, such a huge blessing! As much as we tried to contain the sickness we managed to pass it around to almost the whole family - we are all just so sweet like that, we love sharing ;-) That took a couple of weeks to get worked out of our systems, and required antibiotics for 2 of us. So so grateful that somehow JJ stayed healthy through it! Of course there was the jet-lag mixed in there too, with a certain young man awake for 3 hrs or so in the middle of the night... I dont know what we would have done without our wonderful friends and a group of sweet adoptive mommas who made us meals and helped us through the first few weeks - such a huge blessing!

How is precious JJ doing??? He is doing amazingly well considering all that has happened. Seeing MBHOH (the orphanage where JJ lived for most of his life before coming home) firsthand helped me to appreciate all the 'newness' and 'change' that he has and still is dealing with... We are SO very very grateful for all the love and the wonderful, life-changing care that he received while he was at MBHOH, cant say enough good things about them, but it still wasn't a family, it wasn't a home, which meant that there was so much JJ had to process as he was experiencing it for the first time. I have tried to watch JJ and see through his eyes, the changes, all the brand new things he has had to respond to since coming home... all I can is say is that I am so blown away by my sons courage. There are so many examples that I could give, so many things that were new and scary, never before seen or touched, that now he has experienced and have become familiar (and some of them now even favorite) things... I've watched him go from being terrified of the gravel driveway/not wanting to set foot on it (only content to be on it if he was safely in mommas arms) to running freely on it and loving picking up the gravel and tossing it :) Then there's our sweet, but big, labrador retriever Riley... I dont know if JJ had ever really seen/experienced a dog before. Poor JJ was so scared/cried and cried when he first saw Riley but he has come to the place now where the first thing he wants to do in the morning is go outside with Daddy (still in their PJs) and throw the ball for Riley. He loves kisses from Riley (just not on his face), loves petting him, will walk up to him and take a chew toy out of Riley's mouth so he can throw it and play fetch with Rye... Then there's a similar story with our cat - just minus the playing fetch part. Walking on grass, another new experience that was frightening and not to be participated in but now, look out! JJ takes off quickly on the grass - he'll stop to pick flowers not so he can smell them or give them to momma but because they are good objects to be thrown ;-) Difference between boys and girls??? ;-) Trees - he didnt want to touch the leaves on the trees but after watching sisters for a few days he decided he'd try it and now its no biggie. Doors, another new thing... He absolutely loves opening and closing them - front door, back door, bedroom door, pantry door, closet door, washing machine door (with AG's shoe that he had carefully placed inside) etc. Cupboards and carpet and toilets - not things that he had access to and was familiar with... laying down in the bath tub also a new thing... a car and a car seat, stairs and slopes (he was very unsteady on uneven ground at first), all things he has now mastered... Window blinds, remote controls, flashing buttons on printers (which absolutely have to be pressed every time you walk by because then the grey box makes a loud noise and a piece of paper comes out!) the list goes on and on... And then there's the biggies, adjusting to a new language, new food, new people, his forever family. Its not surprising that the first few weeks he spent a lot of time in mommas arms, checking things out from that new but safe place, learning about all these things at his pace, what he felt comfortable with... such courage...

A little bit more about JJ - he is so sweet, super affectionate and cuddly... He loves his 'milk and books and cuddle/rocking' bedtime routine with momma (momma sure likes it too - the rocking often continues long after JJs asleep!). He adores big sisters, he was the oldest baby in his room at the orphanage so having big sisters is another new and oh so fun thing for him. After meal times he loves to race around the kitchen island and the couches in the living room chasing/being chased by his sisters... It doesnt seem to matter who is chasing whom but man is it fun to run around with his siblings :) And water, oh how my boy loves him some water - whether its splashing in the sink aka washing hands, in the bath, in the water table, in the dogs bowl, running down the fridge from the water dispenser (we now know why there is a lock function on the fridge), running through the hose as mommas watering the garden, and yes even water in the toilet bowl (we have a strict bathroom door/toilet seat lid policy now) this sweet boy just cant get enough of it!

Sorry this post is so long now time for a few pics :)

 Mommy number 2 - this precious girl sure loves her little bro and vice versa!

 Swinging is so much fun!

 Splashin' it up!

A boy and his dog...

 Yep - they do dress him up from time to time...

 Throwing Rileys toy for him...

Walking back from getting the mail...

If you squint you can see morning dada time - hubby, JJ & Rye.

More water fun!

Love my sweet son so much!

I really do love opening and closing doors :-)

Busted! Oh but mom the princess computer is so much fun! ;-)

Very important phone call - just not sure which phone to use, the green one or the hand ;-)

 So sweet!

 Peeking out of the playhouse...

 This big sis loves her bro very much!

And this sis is loving having a LITTLE brother (although at the rate he eats he wont be little much longer!)

 Dada and his son...

PS We saw the plastic surgeon at our local Childrens Hospital about 3 weeks ago and have scheduled JJs palate repair for August 8th - appreciate prayers for that but am sure I'll post again before then, assuming there's 43 days between then and now ;-)